Sexless In Seattle

Swiping, Sipping and Spilling the Tea on Modern Love

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I’m back back back again! Now 40 and on a new journey. I’ve traveled to a few places made a lot of friends and have started a completely new career in the aviation industry. This will be the story of my journey and some tips, tricks and inspiration for anyone who is a bit older but feeling like they are starting their lives over from the beginning. I won’t pretend it’s an easy journey but maybe I can make it a bit easier for you.

  • Diary Entry #6 Ghosts, Goblins and Trauma Dumpers

    Hello again. It’s so nice to be here with you all. I love being able to join you and let you into my dating journey and I’m so happy that you all continue to join me. Dating has been interesting as you all have come to realize from my blog posts; but it’s not just the physical dates, that are blog worthy, it’s also those phone dates and texts that lead up to physical dates that are interesting. I have a tale of two men, well, let me be specific, I have a tale of one man and a very brief update of another.  So, where to start? Let’s start with the quick update. I recently went on a date with someone we will call Flakey Phil. Flakey Phil was a lesson in following your intuition. When I first connected with him he had no follow through with dates. He would ask me out, then change the time at the last minute or ask me out and not set any time. Now, I am… a Capricorn. If you know, you know. But for those who don’t know, I have no problem taking the reigns, making plans and taking action. However, in dating, I am trying to not only be more in my feminine energy but I’m also trying to see how these men approach courtship. How you start is how you finish after all, so when I encounter a suitor who is low effort and doesn’t seem to care at all, I know that’s what a relationship would be like with him. Me doing all the heavy lifting and him phoning it in. So, when he flaked on me the last time, I had decided to move on, yet I did not. He kept texting me and apologizing (which didn’t move me) but then when I had other evening plans that fell through, I decided to reach out to him and see if he wanted to meet up after all. He did and we went out and had a cute little date. We talked a lot and he was nice and cute. After the date he offered to drive me home (I lived walking distance from where we met so I didn’t have my car) and once we were in his car, he tried to make out with me. I set a boundary and told him I don’t get physical on the first date, to which he joked “well I guess I have to take you out again.” We parted with plans to meet up soon. Now, here is where the buffoonery enters. He makes plans to take me out to a cute little spot that closes at 8pm, however, on the evening of our date (around 6pm) he texts me to let me know he has an issue with his car and doesn’t know how long it will take. Now my Spidey senses start tingling and my intuition tells me he’s trying to avoid the date and get to the ‘making out’ so I tell him “no problem, we can go to a place downtown that is open until midnight.” I don’t hear back from him until a quarter after 8pm and he suggests a place that is closer to us, serves only alcohol (he knows I’m not a big drinker) and closes at 9pm so that by the time he gets there and I’m ready and we get to this spot, we only have maybe 20 minutes at best before it closes. To me these are not the actions of a serious adult man who is interested in dating. These are the actions of a teenager trying to ‘get lucky.’ I tell him I’m not going to be ready in time to make it to the place he suggested but would he be interested in going to a place that stays open later (and serves food). His response was to ghost me (lol) and honestly, I’m not mad at it. I see it as the universe removing people out of my energy field that are not meant to be there.

    Now that we have finished the appetizer, let’s get to the main course. This gentleman I did not meet in person. We texted only for about a week but ultimately never met. He actually seemed like a really nice person. He works as a balloon artist and does a lot of work with children, trying to bring joy into their lives. When he told me this my reaction was “you’re such a great human, not a lot of people would find joy doing what you do for a living”. His reaction was to lament how, while he loved his job he hated being called a pedophile (Insert big cartoon, shocked eyes here). Hu-what? Where did that come from? This is your introduction to who we will call Energy/Emotional Vampire.  I side stepped that because I’m all about dwelling in the blessings not in the dumps so we continued chatting. I soon found out that he was Polyamorous, which I have come to learn is a spectrum and there isn’t just one way to be Poly, he is someone who has a ‘nesting partner’ (a romantic partner he lives with) but also dates and starts relationships with other people and his nesting partner is aware. I’m not sure how he differs from someone who is Ethically Non-monogamous or someone who has an open relationship but he identifies as different. Now, I’m looking for a more traditional romance so I wasn’t really interested in joining him in a romantic adventure but I was open to a friendship. What I wasn’t open to, was the trauma dumping that he began to do on our second texting interaction. Mind you, I’ve never met him in person and again had only chatted with him once before via text, but he began to unleash all of his pain and trauma everywhere. I understand what it’s like to deal with big emotions but literally the 4th text he ever sent me (which was in response to my question of ‘how was your day) was “Terrible! But I’m not going to trauma dump on you.” This was proceeded with a trauma dump which lasted until I was emotionally drained and had to tell him I needed to go. Every interaction afterwards was me wanting to get to know him and him telling me the darkest and saddest things which were just sucking all of the energy and good feelings out of me. I would finish texting him, feeling so sad and despondent and while I am completely empathetic to having a tough time or even depression I kept wondering if he was only trying to connect with me as a therapeutic outlet for himself or to vent or because misery loves company; because he definitely wasn’t trying to get to know me. He never asked me about myself and didn’t seem to care about anything having to do with me. I would ask him something as simple as, ‘how are you?’ and he would proceed to text me his emotional laundry list of every bad thing that had, has and will happen to him. It was truly exhausting. I’m exhausted just thinking about it now. I am not a cold, emotionless person, I know I said I was a Capricorn but I seriously have the biggest heart. I want to be here when people need me, but I also didn’t join dating sites to be a volunteer therapist, especially when my ‘patient’ doesn’t seem to have, or want any agency in their lives. He was a victim of everything and it also became quite evident that he would get into relationships to escape the last relationship he was in and have a place to live, the full hobo-sexual lifestyle. This is where someone jumps from relationship to relationship for housing purposes. I was not about to be his next escape plan. I told him I didn’t want to continue communicating with him and after he attempted to do a bit of light emotional manipulation, he accepted what I had said and that was the end of it.

    Okay, so what was the point of these two tales? The point is to always trust and follow your intuition. From the beginning of both of these interactions my gut was telling me to not even ‘stop the metaphorical car and just keep driving’, but I’m a curious kitten and a rebel to the point of where I go against my own good sense sometimes. I love those things about me but I also want to do better intuitively which means releasing the older version of me to allow the newer version of me to have space to grow and expand within my universe. I am always living in a space of gratitude for being able to, not only, have these experiences but be SO present in them that I can see myself grow and evolve in real time. I have to be honest, a part of me is having so much fun with this blog that I don’t even know WHAT my dating objective is at this point. I do know that I will continue to live in my joy, to be grateful, to be present and to trust my intuition more. Above all else, for now, I continue to be

    Sexless in Seattle

  • Diary Entry #5 Dr. Applebee’s Denny’s Esq.

    Hey yall! How’s it going? Is life still lifeing? Awesome. Same for me. So you may be looking at the title of my blog post for today and thinking, damn girl, that’s a crazy title. Well, the crazy title matches the crazy date I had. It’s official I just went on maybe the worst date I have ever had and I have had some stinkers. Let’s get into it.

    I met this guy online and based on his pictures, profile and our short conversation he seemed cool. In hindsight he wasn’t very chatty during texting, which for me, isn’t inherently a red flag, a lot of people are busy and don’t necessarily like being on their phones but I soon realized that he didn’t text a lot because he was trying to hide his crazy. Before I really get into it I want to say that I’m using the term ‘crazy’ colloquially. Mental health issues are no joke and I believe everyone should have access to affordable mental healthcare and I don’t take mental health issues lightly.

    I texted Dr. Applebee’s Esq. to set up a date and he decided he wanted to meet up at Applebee’s. I hadn’t been to Applebee’s in decades, I use to go all the time in my 20’s, so it was kind of nice going back there and I thought it was a cute date idea. I showed up just before he did and went to the restroom. He texted me that he was sitting in the bar area so I met him there. One of the things that I like to do is establish a boundary immediately and see how my date reacts. The boundary I establish is a handshake over a hug. Not a big thing but something I do to see if my date will respect my physical space or if he feels like he can come into it. Denny’s esq. takes my hand and immediately pulls me in, not just for a hug, but this mother f#*k$r tries to kiss me! I was so taken aback, all I could do was nervously laugh, gently push him away and take my seat. I was definitely in shock but we had only just begun. As he settles in he hits me with the compliment rat-ta-tat-tat (You’re so beautiful, oh my God, look at you. Wow!) I’m still reeling from the kiss he tried to land on me so I sit there smiling like a 4th grader on picture day. He then takes his phone out and says to me “Let me educate you on something” and proceeds to show me a video of how map makers have purposefully been drawing the continent of Africa smaller than it should be to dimmish the black experience. At this point I put my seatbelt on because I know I’m about to go on a ride.

    Now, most people would find an excuse to leave this date but I would say one of my toxic traits is I HAVE to go down that rabbit hole. I am Alice in Wonderland and I would jump, blindly into the depths of the unknown to see what was on the other side. What can I say? I’m a curious kitten. I knew that this was going to end, at best, incredibly awkwardly and at worst with my body being discovered in the dumpster behind Applebee’s and yet, I was locked in. His first video is followed by a series of other video, each one more off the rails than the last until finally the waitress comes over to ask for our order. He immediately orders shots (all for himself) and beer. I order a salad (because it’s 1pm and I thought this was a lunch date). He looks at me quizzically and asks “oh, you’re going to eat?” I respond “yes, it’s lunch time” to which he replies “you didn’t eat breakfast? Because I did. It’s the most important meal of the day.” I saw where that conversation was going so I just nodded and smiled. He smiles at me and proceeds to say my name three times like I’m Beetlejuice or some mythical creature (he would continue to only say my name in 3’s) and says “damn why are you still single? Are you one of those ‘independent women’’’ followed by an accusatory glare. Anyone who knows me, knows I am rarely at a loss for words but on this day my mouth remained agape and words were lost to me.

    I told him a bit of my back story and then mentioned my time spent abroad in Spain. He gives me a look that was filled with such disgust that I actually thought something terrible was happening to him. He says “Spain? Why would go there?” I respond with the truth, It was a place I always wanted to go. Something shifts in him and he begins to say “but you didn’t da…” but stops himself. He then asks me “do you know Kenya?” I pause for a moment assuming he doesn’t mean the RHOA star and I ask “the country?” “Yes” he replies. I say “yes, I am familiar with the country of Kenya” and he proceeds to show me a series of videos. Halfway thru he stops to low key berate me about living in Europe and asks me if I know why his mother is single? I respond that I do not, and he says “it’s because she tried to be one of those independent women and now I’M stuck dating her,” Okay, was all I could muster. He continues by telling me that the women his age (which by the way, although his profile said he was 49 he was actually 59 at this point it didn’t matter but it is worth mentioning) are out here travelling the world, going to Greece, Italy, France thinking they are happy single, out here dating those Europeans and he was stuck here dating his mother because these women think they don’t need a man.

    I have to admit, as he was speaking I was like ‘you’re describing my dream life’ but I absolutely did not say that because I knew where that was going. He continued to ask me if I knew certain things existed (Denny’s, Ghana, and various government conspiracies) before finally telling me that Oprah Winfrey was deeply unhappy because she chose billions of dollars, power, fame and independence over marriage. I asked him if he thought a woman could only be happy if she was married to a man, again he looked at me like I had insulted his entire family and said “of course she can’t be happy single, didn’t you hear me talking about those women travelling the world alone?” I smiled and said “Yes and it sounds like they are living the dream.” He didn’t like that.

    He decides it’s time to go and asks me to go to a bar that is just down the street with him.  Again, I know this is a bad idea but I can’t help following that damn rabbit! Although this had been one of the most insane interactions I had had in years, I have a very diverse sense of humor that was living for this encounter. I told him I would go but I was going to drive myself. I follow him to what turned out to not be a bar, but was definitely some sort of residential living facility. I park and cautiously follow him inside just to realize we are in a transitional living facility (some may know as a half way house). The front desk clerk begins to ask me for my identification as well as pictures of myself for ‘safety reasons’ and at that point, I’m out.

    He starts losing his shit. He yells at me that if he was one of those ‘white men’ I, probably, loved, I would have gone anywhere with him. He asks me if I deal with ‘black men’ I tell him “I deal with all humans” and this sends him into a full blown episode. He says “I knew it! When you said you lived in Spain I knew you were a whore for the white man.” Okay. At this point I am not engaging him anymore and instead calmly walking to my car. I am fully ignoring him and he starts yelling “I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME AND YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS! YOU’RE A SLUT AND A WHORE FOR THE WHITE MAN!” I continue to not engage. This whole interaction had devolved into nonsense but I sent a silent thank you to the universe for always showing me who the people I date really are before I become invested in them. As I got in my car I said to him “Goodbye and have a blessed day.” He replied “F&%k you.” Lol. And I drove off into the sunset while simultaneously blocking him because I was ready to climb out of this rabbit hole.

    My retelling of this tale only scratches the surface of what happened there was so much more but seeing as I’m writing a blog and not a novel I had to condense it. I don’t regret this date, it showed me a lot about myself and the woman I had become. In the past I was so insecure that I might have gone with him into that building but this time I didn’t. In the past I might have also been super discouraged from continuing my dating journey but I am actually having fun and this was fun, chaotic fun, but fun nonetheless. I don’t aspire to have more dates with people like Dr. Denny’s Applebee’s esq. but I know that I am in a space where I am able to find joy, pleasure and happiness in every encounter and that is a gift I am so happy to have received. I am hopeful that future dates will be less… whatever this was, and I know that I am going to have to go on a lot of dates before finding someone I really click with. I’m here for it! I am forever grateful for my life’s journey and grateful to be able to have the experiences that I am having. With that I remain,

    Sexless in Seattle

  • Diary Entry #4 Date with Fragile Ego Fred

    Hello friends. I can call you all friends now right? We’ve been together for a time now. How are all of you? Thank you for joining me again. I’m so thankful for all of the love and support I’ve received from those of you who are following my journey. It’s brought so much light and love into my life.

    Let’s get into it! One of the things I am learning on this dating journey is, in order to find the person who I feel I’m met to be with I am going to have to have a lot of dates (so many dates) and a lot of experiences both good and bad. I’m also realizing that most of the men I interact with I will only ever go on maybe two dates with or I will only ever be texting them and never have an interaction with them IRL. With that in mind let me tell you about my last, almost, date, we’ll call him Fragile Ego Fred. Fred and I met online (as is the case with all of the men I’ve dated so far) we exchanged numbers and we texted (well he called me out of the blue without a heads up, which I am not a fan of, please text me before you call me) and the texting was a little lacking “hey how are you?” “I’m fine, how are you?” “Weather is nice today isn’t it?” Nothing to write home about (pun intended) but that was because I realized he was a talker on the phone (alright boomer, j/k).

     I set some time aside to chat with him, which was a lovely experience because it let me be very present with the conversation and very tuned into what we were discussing. I learned he was former military who had a short stint as an exotic dancer (oh boy!). He transitioned into being a massage therapist as well as other roles in health and beauty. I also learned that he was only in town for a period of time, which, as an aside, I’ve learned that a lot of men create dating profiles just for travel. No judgement but something you should definitely be aware of on your dating journey. Some of them may travel so much for work that the only way they can date is to travel and date, but some of them may also have more complicated situations at home (if you know what I mean) and it’s important to keep that in mind. Okay, back to the story. So, Fred and I had a great phone conversation. He spoke about how his different jobs working as an exotic dancer and as a hair stylist and beauty expert had given him a different perspective about women and how we are treated in the world. He spoke about his own personal experiences as an exotic dancer, exposed him to being objectified and while it was nowhere near the same as what us women experience, he started to understand how women are treated daily and how it shaped how we move through the world as well as how he views and interacts with women. He actually reminded me of a character from a fantasy book I’m reading now and I really started digging his vibe. Well, we made plans to have a date the day before he was scheduled to go home. I had other plans earlier that day so I told him I would definitely be done after 6pm but I would reach out to him if I was done earlier.

    The day of our date comes and I have my plans earlier in the day. I wrap them up pretty early (around 1:00pm) and so I send Fred a text to see if he was interested in meeting earlier. I mentioned we could go grab a bite or even just sight see (seeing as he was not from the area and seemed interested in exploring). He had mentioned to me that he was free all day and so I expected to hear from him but I didn’t. An hour passes then two and I hadn’t heard from him,  so I figured I would reach out to him around 6pm (our original meet up time) and instead take myself out to the movies. I make myself a little sandwich and throw some snacks in a bag, head to the movies (side bar: If you like action and haven’t seen the latest Mission Impossible movie, definitely go check it out). I’m about an hour into the movie, and almost three hours after my text to him, and he calls me on the phone. I obviously can’t answer (I keep my phone silent all the time but my watch vibrated to notify me). He sends me a message saying he’s heading out tomorrow and is ‘running out of time’ and wants to meet in that very moment. Now, I’m at least 40 minutes from him (traffic not withstanding) and I’m in a movie. I discreetly grab my phone and text him that I’m in the middle of something and will call him as soon as possible but I’m open to meeting at the time we originally discussed (6pm). I go back to the movie, which was so entertaining and when I’m ready to leave the theatre I give him a call, 5:30pm, no answer. I walk to my car and start heading home and when I get back to my place I send him a text. An hour later he texts me back telling me he’s, ‘staying in’ now. Okay.

    In that moment I realized that although this man seemed to be down to earth, empathetic to other humans and interested in me, I had done the ultimate betrayal. I had bruised his ego. When I told him I was busy and couldn’t talk to him and made him wait (although not intentionally, I was, after all, in a movie) I believe he saw that as a form of disrespect. I imagine he expected me to be waiting for him to reach out to me and for me to “jump” when he called but as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m the star of my dating show. I understand when people are busy or have to cancel or life gets in the way. We all deserve grace in those moments, but I’m not sitting around like Rapunzel waiting for a man to come pull on my hair to get my attention either. I’m living my best life and if you want to be a part of that I will gladly include you but you are not the center of my world. Well, I replied to his message with the understanding that, while unintentional, I had wounded his ego. I apologized for the misunderstanding and sympathized with the fact that it was late (now 7pm) and I understood he had to travel the next morning. I showed gratitude for the conversation we did have because although we didn’t end up meeting, it was a lovely conversation and I truly enjoyed myself.

    After some thought this experience had incited some thought in me. I came to a theory that in my experience I was encountering men with two archetypes, that fell under ‘Intention’ and ‘Effort.’ Let’s start with intention; the men I’ve encountered so far have one of two intentions, to get to know me, build a connection and maybe form a more intense relationship or they just want to get physical, pretty standard I think in dating. Now, for effort even easier to understand because the men I am encountering are low effort or high effort. So, what does that mean? It means I am encountering men whose intention it is to get to know me beyond the physical but they are giving low effort energy or men whose intention it is to get physical immediately but they are giving low effort energy. On the other side there are the men who want to get to know a person and give high effort or they just want to get physical and are high effort towards that goal. What ‘effort’ looks like is different for all of us but for me I’m getting a lot of low effort energy across the board.

    It actually makes me even more appreciative towards Fragile Ego Fred because he helped me get to this realization, now what will I do with it? I will keep my standards high and be insightful as to what intentions, I believe, a prospective suitor has and be mindful of how much energy he is putting towards whichever goal he is trying to achieve. Ultimately, I am only accepting high effort energy, regardless of the intentions. With all of that said, I continue to move through my dating journey, having fun and shining my light everywhere I go. I am forever grateful to all of you who continue to support me and share my content and with that I remain…

    Sexless In Seattle

  • Diary Entry #3 Swipe Left on Scams, but if you swiped right I can help you see the light.

    Mood: Strong, Insightful and Determined

    Hello all and welcome to my TED talk. Lol just kidding. Seriously though, I made the decision when I started this blog to post about a date each week and I will continue to do that but I was hit with inspiration today to talk a little bit about a common theme in online dating and that is the scammer. Now, I am no dating coach and I am definitely not an expert in ‘How to Find a Good Man in 90 days or less.’ I have however, encountered my fair share of scammers on my dating journey and I thought I would share some of my own experiences.

    First of all what types of men do I see as scammers? I’ve noticed a common trend of men from specific European countries (Scandinavian specifically) who seem to be leading in the online scamming game now a days. Disclaimer, not all Scandinavian and European men you encounter on dating apps will be scammers but in my experiences so far almost 100% of the men I have encountered turned out to be less than honest about their intentions. Any human under any demographic can be a scammer, but this is the trend I see growing now.

    Secondly, a lot of them are using their own photos (or maybe photos of people in their scamming groups, if they are working in groups) so you won’t always find that the pictures are fake or from an unsuspecting person’s profile when you do a reverse image search. I have even had some who have video chatted me and while they looked not as good as their photos they looked like the person in the photo (maybe them or someone in their circle who looks like them). I said all that to say, you won’t always get someone with fake profile pictures they stole from someone else’s social media account (although this can still happen).

    Thirdly, they have all wanted to transfer our conversations to Whatsapp. Again, just because someone wants to take your chat off of the dating app doesn’t mean they are a scammer and just because they want to use WhatsApp doesn’t mean they are a scammer. I personally use WhatsApp because I lived abroad and most everyone used it in Europe. Also, people who travel a lot, for work or pleasure, seem to use apps like WhatsApp to stay connected to their friends and family (at least I do) because these apps are free, have great video and voice calls, are encrypted and work in any country without risking huge cell phone charges for using your regular provider.

    With all of that, how do I now spot a scammer? It has become my rule to have a date with a new suitor within a week of seriously chatting with them. The scammers always find an excuse to not meet you in person. Some have told me they are just so busy they can’t meet for weeks. Some have told me, they prefer to build a relationship through text first before meeting. Now, for you women (and men) who have been on the dating apps you know that these men out here want to meet you ASAP. They want to meet you yesterday. The reasons they want to meet you in person vary, and it’s up to you to discern if you feel comfortable with meeting every man, but they want to meet you. So my suspicion always peaks when a man finds an excuse NOT to meet with me in person. It doesn’t always mean he’s trying to scam me but it certainly is suspicious. Also, I have found that these men will mention gold or crypto. Usually casually as a hobby or passive form of income. Now, some men mention it in passing others try to make every conversation about investing. The common thread is money becomes a part of your initial conversation (we are here for romance right? Why are we talking about investing in our second chat with each other?)

    Eventually these men will try to sell you on investing in crypto or gold or whatever the hot thing is with them. The conversations will veer further and further away from, what you both want in romance and more towards business and money. Some will become aggressive and agitated if you try steer the conversation away from investments. Those are the lazy scammers who just want to scam as many people in as short a time as possible. The long game scammers will take their time and play the long game with you. Either way, don’t fall for the trap.

    I use to get in my feelings about these encounters, again this was before I was having fun in dating. Now, I consider these guys as a fun ‘Boss level nemesis” to defeat (as if I’m playing a video game). I don’t let them distract me from my life. I don’t let them convince me to delete the dating app (another tactic they use) but I do like to have fun with them. My WhatsApp still has my Spain number, so I don’t hesitate in moving conversations there. I always ask for their number when they have the idea of moving to WhatsApp and then I add them so they never have my real phone number (I created my WhatsApp while I lived in Spain and that number is still attached). My new game I play with them is, when money comes up I purposefully play super dumb and try to get them to send ME money. I had this guy who was only talking to me about crypto and how much money he was making. I pumped him up as being my big strong, smart money man and then when he brought up investing with him. I lied to him and told him I needed him to send me some money to get me started, even 50 dollars. Now, I would never ask a man for money who I was seriously talking to. But these men (if they are all even men) are glorified telemarketers trying to scam you out of your money and personal information (address, phone numbers, emails, passwords, SSN, passports, DL). It’s okay to have some fun with them.

    The guy I am currently talking to, Tony (i used the name he gave me because i’m certain it’s not his real name), is from Denmark, super into crypto and even sent me pictures that match his profile and are of him engaged in various activities. Wearing a Christmas sweater, celebrating a birthday, thumbs upping a day at work and wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Do all the pictures look like they were taken on the same day? Yes, they do. But ignore that, because, can’t you see they are clearly different times of the year? Just look at my shirts.

    Now, he played the meeting in person a little differently. I mentioned meeting him yesterday and he said he would love to but today he had to travel to Sacramento to go be with his mother who is undergoing surgery! Oh dear, what a coincidence. He said he would love to meet me but he won’t be back for an indefinite amount of time. What did I do in response? Firstly I showed genuine concern for his mother (which I do have just for the idea of someone’s parent being ill) then I told him I wanted him to focus on his family and we would chat again when he returned to where we both lived. Today, the day of his flight he texted me to tell me what time he was leaving. I asked what airline and after a moment he gave me an answer, Southwest. Well, I work at the airport and I told him I happened to be there today because I had to come in. I told him I would meet him at his gate to say hello (in the only commercial airport in our area Southwest only leaves from one area at the end of one of the letter gates, they never leave from anywhere else). He got defensive. He said he didn’t want to meet me like this but I told him I would wait at his gate (and even gave him the gate number). He has gone dark on me. He stopped chatting with me. We will see if he communicates again and I will update you all at that time.

    The moral of the story is. Trust your gut. If you are only interested in keeping your relationship online, that is perfectly fine but keep your personal and financial information to yourself. If you are not wanting to stay online, use your feminine wiles to encourage an in person date, and remember, men serious about getting to know, (even if it’s only on a physical level), will jump at a chance to see you in person. Once again, follow your intuition and be honest with yourselves about red flags, safety is so important when you are meeting people IRL.

    If these guys are not taking you on a date within a week of connecting and chatting with you, they are either not interested in meeting with you or they could have more sinister intentions. Not all of our dating journey’s will be the same but I encourage all of you to stay safe out there and have fun. Have fun with the good but also have fun with the not so good. Feel empowered in this journey. Remember you are the star of this show. What would you as the lead do? How should you be treated by these co stars and side characters? Be kind to yourself and put your needs first. Once you make a genuine connection you can start relaxing into your natural energies (weather that is, nurturing lover, bad bitch baddie or anything in between) but for now let these men work to please you. You are an Empress, imagine yourself as Cleopatra Goddess having these men lay at your feet and do whatever they can to please you. I love you all and I wish you all success. I remain for now…

    Sexless in Seattle

  • Diary Entry #2 Date with Captain Jack

    Mood: Optimistic, excited and living in my Empress Energy

    Here we go again. She’s back, back, back at it again! Anyone that knows me knows that I have spent years, upon years, upon years, starting and stopping dating. Sometimes I stopped because I felt discouraged, sometimes I stopped because I got bored and sometimes I stopped because I was having a lot of dating success IRL and didn’t need the apps. In the past dating felt like revisiting the site of a car crash. My intentions were to go to the site of the crash to heal but I always seemed to just reopen up old wounds.

    But this time around something has shifted. I’m having fun! I’m playing a game (to be clear not playing games) and really co creating my universe. I have a new outlook on life, fueled by my spiritual journey. I’m following my highest excitements. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and most importantly I’ve fully detached from expectations. Taking the steps to heal myself and explore my spirituality has given me a confidence that I’ve never had before. I have realized, THIS IS MY SHOW BITCH! I’m dating as the star, I am and all of my co stars are here for my entertainment (and theirs too if they come with sincerity and a genuine interest in getting to know me). So, let’s get into date number one. First of all I want to be clear that I am not using real names because I want to protect the innocent (and the guilty) from public scrutiny. These are human beings and I’m not here to embarrass anyone. I only want to share my experience.

    We will call our first co star Captain Jack. He works with his hands, outdoors and has a free spirit and seems to have a genuine connection to nature, water and knowledge. I want to start with what I like about him. Firstly, he’s obsessed with me (to be honest all the guys I’ve dated so far are. Seems to be a common theme). Secondly, he’s creative, a musician who writes and produces his own music and from what he tells me, he is a former rock star (well, rock star adjacent) but he doesn’t have the brash ‘I’m hot shit’ vibe that sometimes can come with that. Lastly, he’s well read and can hold a good conversation, which is very important to me. I want to know that someone is interested in more than just my gorgeous, voluptuous body.

    The date itself began at one of my favorite places, a beautiful park not to far from my house that has forests, water and mountains. We parked kind of far from each other so the date started with us Dora the Exploring our way through the woods to find one another. Aesthetically I didn’t have any heart palpitations when I saw him. I liked that he seemed like a rugged no frills guy but I like a man who puts in effort. Captain Jack showed up very dressed down, like sitting in the house playing video games, dressed down. Whereas I showed up in a cute, simple, pink dress with my most comfy yet fashionable sandals. Now, I’m not judging a book by its cover (well, I guess I kind of am) but when I saw him I did have to gather myself a bit and really lean into the conversational aspects of our date.

    We quickly found a place to eat and spent the time talking about everything from our pasts (I’ve traveled and lived all over and have spent most of my life chasing adventures. He toured with a band, lived in a commune and is a self educated, pretty well read, down to earth bloke). After our meal we spent a couple of hours walking through the park, we talked, religion, politics, economy (pretty much every taboo first date topic) but I didn’t mind. He was respectful and engaging. Now, was I attracted to him in a way that would make me want to pursue a relationship? No. But he was such a great person for me to have met to dip my toe back into the dating scene. I’m thankful to him for being a genuinely nice dude and to the universe for helping me ease my way back into the dating scene. We would end up going on a second date (his fashions did not improve at all). It’s clear that he is attracted to me but I’m not there with him. We’ll see if a platonic friendship develops but for now, thank you Captain Jack for the smooth sailing. I remain hopeful in my dating journey but she is still…

    Sexless In Seattle

    With love, Me.

  • Diary Entry #1: Back in the Game at 40 – Let the Dating App Chronicles Begin!

    Date: June 20, 2025
    Mood: Excited, a little terrified, and armed with a glass of wine.

    Well, folks, it’s official—I’m diving back into the dating pool in my 40s, and let me tell you, it’s like jumping into the deep end with a life raft made of Wi-Fi and a questionable profile pic. After a hiatus (okay, nearly a decade), I’ve dusted off my flirting skills and downloaded the apps. Spoiler: It’s a wild ride already, and I’m here to share the laughs, the cringes, and the occasional “wait, that was sweet?” moments.